Joke Time

Halloween has been spooking me out... here is a nice little chip joke to help you get through the fear: 

What Did The Potato Chip Say To The Battery?

If you're Eveready, I'm Frito Lay.


Feeling better?  Well, if that wasn't quite enough, I have a real Halloween treat on the way.  

Next, a Shower of Salt - How It's Made: Potato Chips

    

Mouthwatering and Educational.  

I was just doing some research and thought I'd share.  Hard to say which step is most impressive, but this video has definitely agitated my itch to get inside Frito-Lay. (btw, still waiting for a response on that).

Chips Getting Hungry

Chip Dreams

Some people dream of winning the lottery, becoming Nobel Peace Prize recipients, NBA athletes or just of falling in love with Lil'Wayne and consummating in his Escalade while Lady Gaga watches.  Not that I would scoff at any of those dreams, but honestly, since I can remember dreaming, I have just wanted to see the inside of a chip factory. 

It's not that I'm expecting to see anything terribly shocking.  I realize there's no "getting the caramel inside the Caramilk Bar" sorcery going on, but there is just something...  Maybe it's the thought of being surrounded by an infinite bounty of chip products, or the tiny subconscious hope that I will fall into the chip-bagging machine and accidentally get sealed inside a massive sac of Party Mix and have to eat my way back to the non-chip world.

No matter the motivation, here stands my dream.  And in a modest attempt to indulge them, I sent this email to the good chip-makers at Frito-Lay: 

Dear Frito-Lay,

My name is Salty Dog and I am a humble chip-lover from Toronto.  I have recently started a blog dedicated to my love of chips (www.fortheloveofsalt.blogspot.com). 

As I embark on this salty path of chipdom, I have but one serious desire--to see the inner workings and front lines of a chip factory (aka the promised land).

While my readership is modest, I can assure you that everyone is eager to know how our favorite flavors have come to be.  I live in Toronto and would be willing to travel pretty far for the chance to get close to real chip production.

Please email me if you think this request could be honored. 

Sincerely obsessed with chips,
-Salty Dog

If this doesn't pull through, I may have to turn to more aggressive tactics.  Or else abandon my one true dream  and go ahead with my backup - to win Dancing with the Stars as Mike "The Situations" partner.

To Be Continued...

I've Never Had to Actually do This But...

If you seriously can't finish a bag of chips then you probably have no business reading this blog.  But, just because this looks cool and I think the idea of having extra chips all wrapped up like a little present sounds excessive and delicious, I am publishing this clip.

 

How To Seal a Bag Of Chips Without a Clip

The Ultimate Chip Detector Test

Sour Cream 'n Bacon Sets the Stage

 I'm currently in the midst of moving into a new apartment.  Lucky for me, I am joining a team of 2 already-amazing roomates... or so I hope.

Last night I was helping one of my new mates paint and I decided that it was the perfect time to set her up for The Ultimate Chip Detector Test.  This is a sure-fire way to know if you will really get along with someone.  This test may be administered to: first dates, in-laws, strangers in vans, siblings, new pets, Justin Bieber--and of course, new roomates.

Step 1. Purchase a Bag of Chips. 
Not your reliable go-to bag (otherwise I would have gone with Doritos Nacho Cheese).  Instead, go for something more telling.

In this instance, Ruffles Sour Cream 'n Bacon was the ideal pick.  Here you've got the classic Sour Cream element, which indicates whether or not your subject can appreciate the gourmet flavours of a timeless chip.  For the kicker, you throw in the bacon twist.  Now you'll know if you are dealing with a subject who is able to let lose and break traditions, or just a dud for average chips.  This is really where ones true character may be revealed.

Step 2. Bait the Trap.
Announce the purchase of your deliberately selected bag, but do not open!

This step is used as a litmus to see just how much self-restraint your subject really has.  It may also serve to alert you to the threat of a serious chip monger or even worse--a chipophoeb.  No matter what the outcome here, you must confront the truth.

Be sure to note the bag opening procedures here too. Bag popping is definitely poor-form and if experienced, you should feel free to abort the rest of the test at any time. Chances are, you are not in the right chip company.  While use of a bowl* may indicate prudish or overly controlling behaviour, a respectable fold down approach should be well-received.  This subject not only exhibits class and self-control, but they  may even be up for sharing.

*Note: removing chips from their natural bag environment is proven to negatively affect taste. This act is really only respected when preformed by a neighbourhood mom in the 80s.  Chips come in bags for a very serious reason (this topic to be revisited). 

Step 3. Observe.
Are you dealing with a nibbler?  A fistfull crumbler?  Or chipwich stacker?

Observe eating habits and refrain from offering any napkins, refreshments or dip options.  This is your time to really understand your subjects personal identity.  

At the end of this test you should have some good insight to the kind of person you are really dealing with.  In my case, we are talking about a roomate who not only indulged my flavour selection, but even folded down the bag and insisted that we stop painting so we could revel in chip glory.

A +

It's All About Chips Right?

potatoes + fried + salty (preferably cheesy) flavour combinations = nom nom

You know those parents who make their kids go to bed at 8pm, don't let them watch 90210 or Party of Five, and cut out all saturated fats and complex sugars from their kids' diets?  Well, I did not have those parents.

Instead, I was left to run free.  Cheeks full of Gobstoppers and pockets stained with permanent marker.  I learned many things during this laissez-faire upbringing, the most formative being a sincere love for all things chips.

Chip lovers unite with me in this blog where the pursuit of chips will be taken to a most serious form of discourse.  This is a safe place where no one will be judged for having eaten 2 big bags of Doritos All Nighter Cheeseburger's in an attempt to figure out if they can taste the secret sauce or just the pickle.

Yes. I eat Ruffles because they hold the most flavour and because I like to bite each individual ridge off my chip.

Yes. I consider chips a condiment for hamburgers and hotdogs.

Yes.  I bring a bowl of different chips all tossed together and call it salad when I am invited to a potluck.

Yes.  I have much more chip wisdom to impart.