Sow Some Chip Seeds

I would plant a forest and become a lumberjack if chips grew on trees.

Poteki by Kazuhito Ishida

Burn Your Face Off Doritos

There are so many great Doritos ideas floating around the chip-o-sphere from reclaimed vintage packaging to Taco Bell Doritos shells.

While ingenuity is aplenty, the only real problem between me and Doritos is availability.  Specifically, Canadian availability.

So, when I actually saw the Doritos 1st Degree, Blazin' Jalapeno and  2nd Degree Fiery Buffalo Burn at the store near my house, a flavour I assumed was only to grace other Doritos-rich countries, I pounced. 

First off, I should qualify my tolerance for spicy foods--I like them.  I always get hot wings, I get spicy rotis hot enough to make anyone's nose run at my favourite Indian shop and always put extra horseradish and Tobasco in my caesars.

Starting out "mild" with the Blazin' Jalapeno I thought I would be underwhelmed.  Tame in colour and odour,  I wasn't really expecting a huge level of heat.  The burn didn't register upon first bite, but slowly began to build... and build.  Minutes later, I found myself trying to quelch the temperatures with a glass of water.

Although pretty spicy, the jalapeno flavour comes to the forefront of these Doritos making the overall experience deliciously hot and still a bit cheesy.

Climbing the thermometer, Fiery Buffalo really gave me something to work on.  These chips are HOT.  Coated in a red-orange seasoning that screams "spicy spicy" you should have a glass of milk nearby when you are attempting to extinguish a bag of these.

It honestly took me the entire day to get through a small bag because I could only handle one chip at a time and ended up coughing after every bite and chasing it with a drink.

I found the Buffalo chips had an overpowering vinegar aftershock that really took my breath away and held me back from being able to slam the bag.  Not really a good characteristic for someone who typically puts away a full-sized bag with much delight.

Given the temperature of these chips, I probably wouldn't crave them on a regular basis, but I think they would make a perfect addition to any good Chip Salad. 

To answer the obvious burning question, yes there is a 3rd Degree but I haven't found it.  After my experience with these two, I'm not sure if I could take it.

All Good In Da Hood

I'm not sure how the bit about "Marriage" or the "Power Within Us"  actually makes you a Homegirl?  But I want to be Maria.

Get Your Paws On This

A nice chipporter (chip supporter) pal brought me a bag of these today.

Cheetos Horneados: Chester giving his best Mowgli look

Throughout my long history of chip consumption,  I have only really sat down with regular Cheetos, the limited edition Paws from the 90's and those other witch-finger-like Crunchy Cheetos.  Though all delicious (please see Ode to Cheezies  for affirmation) I was very excited to taste the Horneados.

Basically Horneados are Original Cheezies but instead of the finger-licking cheese flavouring, they taste more like plain corn puffs with a nice dusting of salt.  Texturally, Horneados are also a bit foamier than their Cheezie brethren, a characteristic that makes them highly addictive.

You start out with the initial crunch needed from any good chip snack, but then the corn flavour really comes to the forefront and the Horneado merely becomes a salty extension of your tongue.

Horneados Bliss

Be prepared to have Horneados melting in your mouth just as fast as you can get them in there. FYI: That's a good thing.

Wash Your Mouth Out With DORITOS

I am really frustrated by people who site bad breath as a reason for not eating Doritos.  Finally, there is a solution...

Not only does this resolve the bad breath issue, but for those who wish every meal could taste like chips--wish no-longer. 

Rinse down that steamed spinach with some Scope Doritos and I'm sure you'll feel like you've eaten a bag of chips instead. 

Long Distance Chip Affair

Chips are certainly the international language of love, even for those missing their front teeth.

It doesn't need to make sense--it's love.

Mother of all Onion Rings

Just to quickly reiterate, I cried a solid 3 tissue box sadness over not placing in the top 14 for the Doritos Write the End contest.

Last week the ultimate winner (Melanie) was announced.  Her ending features the mother of the Flavour Master who wheelchair's into the scene and destroys Wings N' Ranch maker with her old lady powers.

Without giving away too much of the ending, I'll just say that I'm giving out huge points for the presence of the mouth-breathing laser beam.

Flavour Master's Mother: Doritos Onion Rings N' Ketchup

Check out the full commercial below

If you're still as sad as I am, just try shoving your mouth full of Doritos.

Corn Crunch Original

Another great Canadian chip to discuss today, Corn Crunch by Club Supreme in Quebec.  I actually found these chips at the U CARWACS Show back in March, and was immediately excited by their woven triangle appearance and Pringles-like canister packaging.

Looking like a woven 3D Dorito and tasting like a fluffier Bugle hybrid of sorts, Corn Crunch are a new chip experience for me.

Corn Crunch Original: Up Close

The super friendly rep at the Corn Crunch booth gave me Original and BBQ flavours to check out.  Both started out on a sweet note and finished salty--just the way I like my sweets.

Certainly crunchy, there is also an airy puff-like quality to the Corn Crunch that minimizes roof-of-mouth injury and increases overall consumption.

 
WARNING: Once you open the can you may want to startshovelling them into your mouth handful at a time.  Don't worry, I won't judge you.